Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Why I didn't Like Twilight.

Before Edward Cullen fans track my IP address and murder me in my sleep let me explain my literary background: I'm an English major, groomed to enjoy ONLY the classics and novels that would confuse most people. I'm not trying to say I'm better than the people who enjoy Twilight, but I'm kind of past the fourth grade reading level this book was written in, also there were some serious plot issues that I could not get past. I will also admit that I could not get past the middle of the book. The story started out as a familiar young adults novel and a flawed female protagonist, Bella Swan. This bitch was just too clumsy. How has this person not killed herself yet? The author spent way too much time focusing on the character's clumsiness and was sort of shoving this "NOBODY IS PERFECT" (accept Edward of course) idea down our throats. I mean how bad do kids feel about themselves now that the main character of a book has to be irresponsibly clumsy in order for people to be able to relate to it? Anywho, Edward is too perfect and if I had to read anything about his perfectly chiseled chest one more time I was going to barf. We get that he's perfect, he's Cedric Diggory for God's sake, I don't need to hear about his nipple protrusion from under his Armani Exchange turtleneck (who the fuck wears turtlenecks in high school?). Bella is essentially a whiner. She complains throughout the entire story about how she doesn't understand why boys like her and why people want to be her friend. I have a problem with people who complain for no reason, especially when they have nothing to complain about. She's admittedly thin, somewhat attractive and everyone wants a piece of Bella. Quit your bitching!

The kicker for me was Edward giving up his dark and dangerous secret that NO ONE else knows about. If you've seen Star Wars Revenge of the Sith, the thing that ruined the movie is that fact that Anakin switched to the dark side entirely too fast. He basically left everything he believed in for something that could possibly ruin him in about 12 seconds. Here's a watered down version of Anakin's flip flop:

Emperor Palpetine: "Hey so, the dark side is pretty cool. You should totally join. We have red light sabers."
Anakin: "Oh cool, sure man"

And that's it. That' all it took. Once Edward found out that Bella liked him he gave it up like a freshman on prom night. What poor Edward doesn't know is that girls are crap at keeping secrets and sucking the blood of wild animals and glittering might be something you don't want this clumsy bitch blabbing to everyone. It was just too abrupt and very unrealistic. Though this story itself is unrealistic, the author is presenting it in a realistic setting; in the present day with everyday teenagers, except some are vampires....and werewolves....

My point is that this story just doesn't do it for me. After reading 20+ pages of Bella and Edward rubbing their faces on each other I just gave up. If I wanted to watch people rub stuff on each other I'd find a Japanese pay sight, because god knows what they're rubbing on what...and vampires maybe present.


PS-I hate my neighbors

Thursday, April 16, 2009

I'm faking it.

I'm not afraid to say that I am a little vain. Most people are; in fact most are probably way more than I am. I'm happy to say that I've never colored my hair, gotten a pedicure or gone to a salon to have anything done for special events. I'm pretty happy that I've saved tons of money by only cutting my hair twice a year (if that), but I will admit there's one thing that I am really into and that's being tan. I know I know, "Emily, you're the whitest person ever and just being close to a mirror reflecting the sun on your skin will give you instant cancer" Yes I know this, but I'm trying to circumvent the sun part. In high school I never wore sun screen, especially when I would go surfing where I'd be in the sun from 8am to 5pm and I'd be in the water and then id fall asleep on the beacha nd then in the water some more. Ahhh, those were the days. Tanning after school before prom, after prom, in between various proms, was the thing to do in high school. You wouldn't meet your friends at the mall you'd meet them at "Tequila Tans! : It's cool because tequila's in the name!". After seeing some of the girls who tanned religiously after high school I realized how bad of an idea that was. I mean dark spots and wrinkles around their eyes. These former goddesses of hickory high are certifiably fug now. I've taken it upon myself to try a couple of sunless tanning products and I'll list the ones I've used so far:

1. L'Oreal Sublim Bronze self-tanning Gelee.
For something I picked up at Bed Bath and Beyond for $7 (gotta love those 20% off coupons) this stuff is pretty damn good. The first time I used it, I got compliments from my mom and others that I looked like I'd been outside which is always good. The second application was soon after the first, maybe 4 days and I did turn a bit orange. I made a dumbass move and tried to tan my hands so they wouldnt be like a seperate entity from my arms, but that was not a good idea. I STILL have orange knuckles :( All in all I'd say this stuff in a B+

2. Fake Bake sunless tanning lotion.
This gives a good color, but only if you have the patience to apply it. It's got a "color guide" that is super dark and shows you where you've covered and where you need to apply more. You HAVE to wear gloves to apply this because it dries pretty quickly. The color developes overnight and you are meant to wake up, shower and the tan will be left after the color guide washes off. It's not super dark, which is good for me because I'm corpse pale and since the color guide is dark dark brown it doesn't come out orange. The cons: it stains your sheets. It does wash out, but the color guide will rub off. I can only use this while my boyfriend is out of town because he can sleep in a bed that is going to be covered in what he thinks is self tan. Great color, but time consuming. I give this one a B+ also.

3. Mystic Tan Tanning booths.
They praise this crap like it's the messiah of all that is tan, but that is not the case. It's like being spat at for 30 seconds, all over your body. If you hate walking around on drizzly days (I mean come on, rain or don't rain FUCKING PICK ONE) then this is not for you. You have to cover your hands and feet with a special "barrier creme" which is code for "put this on so your hands and feet won't look like they were dipped in baby shit" and you get into this weird talking booth that sprays you "when you're ready". You wave your hand over the sensor and wait with the same anxiety you have in a photobooth. Then the tan spits at you, then tells you to turn around and sprays this stuff all in your buttcrack. If you're not into having stuff sprayed inyour buttcrack I would not reccommend Mystic Tan. This made me super orange and I just dont like being naked in a booth that claims not to be occupied by anyone but you. Anywho, I've ranted enough. I don't like Mystic Tan. UF- for UberFail- that's pretty much the worst fail you can get.

4. California North Titanium sunless tanning lotion.
I can't say much about this yet. I just got it today and I'm wearing it right now. It smells really nice, like bananas and coconut. I hate sunless tanner smells because it smells like burning flesh. This stuff is also pretty moisturizing so far.
*UPDATE: easily the best stuff I've tried. No smell, great color and dries super quick. You still need to exfoliate knees, elbows and feet, but I'm not the least bit orange. I love it!

I know I have tried more, but some are not worth a review. As of right now I think you're best bet is the California North tanner Its awesome!

ack with more reviews probably when school is over in about 2 weeks so see you then!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Check it.


I love my new handmade sushi washcloths. I do not love my new neighbors hanging out in the hallway AND on the fire escape and being LOUD.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

I'm addicted...

To sugar! But don't worry, most people are and dont realize it. When I don't have sugar for a long time I get pissy and ravenous for chocolate. In my mind that is withdrawl and that comes from being addicted to something. I'm not as addicted as much as I used to be. I have been eating healthier for about 2 years now and I have cut down on sugary foods a lot. I used to eat ice cream FOR BREAKFAST in high school and it totally ruined me for the rest of the day. I'm challenging myself to get as much sugar out of my diet as I possibly can. I already don't buy products with High Fructose Corn Syrup. I HATE those commercials about how HFCS is just fine and dandy because it's not, it's better to just eat normal, natural foods. My biggest problem is salad dressing and cereals. It tends to have lots more sugar than you think it would so I always check labels. So does ketchup :( Most ketchup is also made with HFCS like Hunts or Heinz). I usually shell out the extra $1 for organic, cane sugar sweetened ketchup because it's atleast made with less bad stuff than the regular kind. If I do sweeten things I try to use unprocessed sugar substitutes (no aspertaine, splenda, or crap like that). I usually use raw honey or stevia. I very rarely use stevia, but it's a lot like aspertaine but not bad for you (though there has been some controversy about whether it's good for people or not). It's been used in Asia for centuries and I haven't died from using it. I'm going to try and eat more fruit too, so that the sugar I am getting is from a healthy source. I'll keep you posted on how I'm doing with my sugar rehab!

Friday, April 3, 2009

So so true


Found this on reddit.com

Hell...


I'll read any man that likes cats.

I've had On the Road sitting on my shelf for so long. I had such high hopes of reading it when I got it like 2 years ago, but being an English major I get to read what they assign me and not what I would like to at that time.

This will be read this summer along with the other 20 books I want to read or have been told to read.

I'm driving to Chesapeake for pancit. 30+ minutes for pancit. It's THAT important to me. A gift to myself for my second place finish in the ODU poetry contest.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

My new favorite place...

Etsy.com is quickly becoming my favorite place to buy bath and body products. It has everything you could possibly want. I mostly look on here for stuff that is in my favorite scents. For example, I love anything coconut, citrus, tropical and beachy. When in a department store or cosmetics store it's hard to find more than one product that is a scent that you really love. On etsy I found like 20+ pages for each scent! I also like that I'm buying homemade products that aren't full of chemicals and stuff that is no good for your skin. It's hard to reccommend a specific seller because thre are sooo many and most of them are great. You pay through Paypal which I would rather not do, but I don't mind that much. You can also search for sellers in your area so you can cut down on shipping AND lower your carbon footprint if that's something that interests you. I recently ordered a perfume oil, a bdy lotion, a face cream and a lip balm. So far ive gotten the perfume and the body cream and they're awesome! Got to etsy.com and buy some cheap bath and body products. Prices and quality that put Bath and Body Works to SHAME!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Best. Picture. Ever.

Wai Lana?



Am I the only person who thinks this is totally creepy and ridiculous?! According to the comments it's good stuff....